INCOMING! (you should yell it to have the full effect)

Here is an attempt to put words to some feelings I have had in the last weeks, I am working hard in Sweden and trying to find myself through deep emotions...

First of all, I spent two days at home in MN before traveling back over and loved literally every minute. I got to spend some more time with my mom, but also hang out with my dad and with our dogs and even some catch up chats with my grandma. Woohoo! I was connected to my family and to my comforts. Even though it was a super short visit, it is nice to touch base and get a needed boost. Oh, and as part of  race reward for myself - I now have my ears pierced (yes, finally...never had them done). I guess, I needed to run 100 miles in order to get mine pierced :)

Three pups, 150 yard marks - 6 months old = studs!

Amazing inspiration to see the connection my Dad has with our crew :)

Youngest of them all - 'Hammer'

After a bit of a crazy travel back to Sweden with several delays, missed flights, and airport sprints, imagine after running 100 miles, I am back to some type of home. I must say that every time you travel away from your home (i.e., Minnesota for me) it is harder to go away. This time is no different, actually maybe the hardest yet. I have been challenged to my deepest core and will admit that I have found some crazy low points lately. Some of it is expected after an incredible race and really amazing life-changing trip to the US and home. I have been recovering my body and giving time for rest, but my mind has been on a journey of it's own.

I am in the process of taking the next step in my life, I am ready for a big change or many changes. I am not only ready, but I need it. I don't know exactly what that means, what I want to do, let alone where I want to be. Although, the obvious answer is easy, I want to be home and back to the comforts and ease of living in the US, it is just better to be home with friends and family and those you love. However, I am pursuing a big dream and giving what feels like all of myself and everything I know to making it happen. I will always keep after it, no matter what. I believe in what I want and I believe in myself.

I am in a waiting game right now, and this is nearly beyond my capacity to handle at the moment. There are always stressors and situations that make moments hard, but if life were easy, then what would be the adventure in that? I feel like I have been flipped upside down, shaken, and not put back upright. I am developing and growing at wild rates and I know I am in for a long ride with my emotions. I feel like everything depends on everything else and I am just lost at what I want, should, would, could do and where in the world that might be. It is not easy and I want to know now. At the same time, I am trying to embrace these moments in life, while knowing that I have the choice, and I will do what is best for me. Whatever I decide will be right because it is me who gets the say. That makes it easier for sure, but I am still caught up in a storm of emotions and can barely do something without loosing it in some way.

Fast forward a bit...then came yesterday...
Basically I ran away, and it was awesome!

I headed out for a 'pick me up' run and was craving some intervals if the feeling was right...so out I go, running steady, then picking it up, feeling good, then (though I hadn't actually taken it easy and warmed up) I was clipping along and I imagined to run as fast as possible away from everything I know at the moment - literally as fast as I could until I couldn't see town, so, that is what I did! What a rush of relief just in that moment - but wasn't done yet...did some spirited intervals up some hills and through some slippery leaf downhills and pushed tempo up up up and maxed myself again up to the 'top of the top' of where I could see/run to from here - as high as I could be towards the sky and in time with the sunset - magical - no pictures because it was just for me, my moment for my soul to reach and hold what it was and is (imagine wispy clouds, rolly swedish mtns, lots of lake, islands, purple, pink, orange, yellow, blue horizon rainbow of color and all of this reflecting in the lake = woah baby!)...stood there for minutes (longest running pause for the view and thoughts I have ever taken) soaked it in and then decided to return having found a spot for me and a spot for my moment, maybe not a secret spot and my spot will be forever changing, but it was this run/thanks to this run...pretty much every run/ski/adventure outdoors...allowing me the possibility to do what I wanted and take a journey where my body wanted to go, it is amazing what we are capable of and what our bodys allow us to achieve when we give it control and let it lead...what a rush of energy from my soul and a reciprocation from the earth!

Now, if only I could let my body lead my upcoming decisions and what the future brings. I have faith that my body will bring me to the places and give me the feelings of what my mind needs to understand, it will help me figure out what is best and what is right, and in that I will know what is coming for my next step, and yes - I am changing.

Metaphorically speaking (maybe literal too)...for now, you can find me headed deeper in the woods than ever before...here are some clues...
- I am not on a trail but I am not far away from one (where was wanderweg again?!)
- I am in some rough footing - maybe mud, bog, tree roots, rocks, boulders or river - it is hard going
- I do not know where I am and am therefore lost
- But, I generally know where I am and where I am headed
- And, I will get there and let you know when I do

Thanks for reading, following me, and hanging with!
Sarah :)

Race Report - Run Rabbit Run 100

YES! IT HAPPENED :) I ran my first 100 mile race.

Just over two weeks ago, I raced my first 100 miler in Steamboat Springs, CO - USA!!! I had been so focused on this dream and it was such a huge goal for me. It felt the closest to what I know to be a similar feeling of the Olympics, so, it was my Olympics of this year, it was really a deep passion and mindset I created for myself! It was what I imagined - an amazing day!

It had been a wild month leading up to the race - had developed a relatively intense injury in my knee during a race and had a roller coaster of events and travels. So, it was by no means clear that the day would go as planned or that I would make it to the finish line. I took the rest - for once, listening to my body, in the weeks after my injury; got a number of deep massages (that good Swedish kind); stretched for 1:15+ every day; worked anti-inflammatories; prayed, dreamed, believed...my body impressed me every day with how much it improved - easing in a couple runs only let it feel better and better with more blood flow and I got it working again. Needless to say, I was pretty shaken and quite nervous for my knee and my pain tolerance for this race. It continued to feel better and better with the TLC I gave it and hung on throughout race day much better than expected...whew!

Here we go...
Flights from Sweden to CO, night in Denver by the airport...worked on abstract for deadline during race, picked up mom at airport, got rental car, got flipped around/lost, went shopping in Denver :), drove and jammed out to music in car to Steamboat, sushi for dinner, night in hotel...scoped out race crew points for my knowledge and for mom's directions for during the race, went for super soaking run in the rain at spring creek (I have a history of getting caught in huge rain/storm weather with my mom - it is rather ridiculous), checked into a condo, mexican food for dinner, worked on and submitted abstract...day before race included relaxation, stretching, studying course, walk up race finish (super nice weather), eat lots, stretch/study, prepare race drink/clothes/bag, walk over for race check-in and meeting, organize drop bags, pasta dinner, worked on two additional abstracts (not ideal race prep)...

 

Even before the race, I was having one of the greatest trips of my life, my mom and I were an incredible team and we had some super crazy, wonderfully silly, incredible moments that are forever in my heart - my spirit was so happy to be in the US and so happy to be laughing and full of joy!

Race day - I spent some time this morning before getting out of bed to deepen my belief and set my mindset and I got up with good vibes and knew the day would be rockin'! Excitement sure picked up as we got locked out of the condo after realizing maybe I wanted another jacket to stay warm at the start if it started to rain (mom ran a few times to the reception, then we just told them and headed to the start -- solved later/forget the jacket), rain stayed away-no need initially. Was relaxed before the start and got to say hello to some new friends and meet some long lost friends too :) Yay!

Race started before I knew it and we were off, here is a summary of my mind from the race...be smart here, you don't really know how to run 100 miles, conservative and smart, easy does it, listen, sweaty, hot here, walk, run, walk, run, doing ok, wow, altitude, oh my goodness - my socks - what is going on - fix it now, smart, walk, woah heart rate, sheesh altitude, legs are fine, ok hello altitude, patience, smart, gosh darn socks (I had evidently put too much/put body glide on my heels - rookie mistake, had to untie and pull up and tie laces tighter...didn't work (did it 3-5 times up the first climb) my goodness - how silly, it will be a lonely day on the trails (mainly pulling up the rear of the faster class of the race - oh well, I do a lot on my own these days), doing ok, altitude, yay top, time to run, smooth, loosen the legs, let it roll, smart, hold back, nutrition going well, drink lots-it's hot, salt tablets, running yep...headed smooth in and out of long lake aid station and down fish creek falls, oh my this is quite pretty and nice to hear the river, ok...now that was cool - I just saw a fish jump in fish creek falls - nice!, at the trail head to say hey to mom and head for the road to town, super conservative and working a nice rhythm, in and out of olympian hall aid station, nice rhythms and saw some others finally on my way to cow creek aid station, very pretty over here, incredible light and perfect time for sunset - sweet!, hey mom - "MOM, I'M DOING GREAT!", all is well, body doing good-smooth knee and tendons and smooth stomach (mostly), back to olympian hall after chasing some head lamps, continue chasing some head lamps now - beautiful night for a run, up to fish creek again, mom is doing great on my crew-improving with every possibility, just like me...let's go, great climb back up although it is raining/storming now, no problem, Im ready, oh cool...I just saw a bunny rabbit (this is true - saw a rabbit during the Run Rabbit Run race - was not a hallucination), back to long lake (just over 50 miles) (super nice and very helpful aid station), feeling quite good, but slow going with dimming headlamp, crazy puddle/really rough road, hard to run, hard to see, is it still raining or no?, no we are good, but woah watch the footing, into summit lake aid station-in and out, down rumbling dirt road to dry lake, seeing lots of people now - the top runners are on the way back up, looking for all the women and taking notes, cheer on Nikki! and get bonus strength vibes from her :) Cool! hey to mom at dry lake and fill up, head down further to spring creek, brain is getting slower at remembering what I was going to do at the aid stations, but all good, just keep it rolling, gonna get tougher from here I think, but man I am actually feeling super - considering, cruise up to dry lake (got a nice sun coming up), emotions are coming closer - so I just say as I go through the aid station (mile 75ish) (need to fill my water and get out of here or Im going to loose it - meaning I will start crying and therefore, loose a lot of energy), get a talk with mom on the way out of the aid station and know I need to start making some serious time if I want to secure a finish in under 30 hours (goal for a true finish in the classification of 'Hare'), try to push it on the climb up the rough road, shit this altitude, dizzy, ok, push, ok, dizzy, hmm, am I there yet, oh yay summit lake, fast in do my stuff and out, super sunny up here, hot, oh no cold, windy, oh hot, super hot, not, cold, oj...feeling it now, I am sssslllooooooowwwwing down, come on, here is where we make it happen, let's go Willis, diggin deep and know I will get there, ok here come some visions in the woods and some impatience, where am I, where is the long lake aid station (was looking for it for like 45 min...let's just say I was glad to get there), long lake - yes!, "need a hug?" my answer = wow, yes please! - I probably had that expression all over my face = another awesome aid station crew, ok...counting down those miles and really calculating time now, working some rhythm, body is slow and not wanting to eat much or drink much and altitude is affecting my pace, but I am moving and I am just thinking keep 4-6mph for each step, good focus on this section even though I am really falling apart, but up and across to Mt. Werner, great vibes up there, don't loose it, you are right there, be smart Sarah, you are going to do this, emotions on my sleeve - hang on to it, over the top and run right through the aid station barely words to say Im #58 and out, headed for a 6 mile downhill at the end of a 103 mile race is not what I recommend, I was just happy to keep a shuffle and get some encouragement from the 50mile racers finishing - they were bonus motivations and just trying to get those emotions from me...I didn't let em have it, super steep section made my hip flexor almost come off my leg, but rolling my shuffle rhythm again, hey it is getting familiar, condos, super close, see it, ohh mom is coming up, running together, then on my own, then a shot around the stairs into a 'designated hug' for the finish...yep...done...DONE...I DID IT...I...DID...IT! (but I didn't have much emotion...I was empty...satisfied...happy beyond belief...happy beyond any idea of what that means...complete...it was like that and it was super)! I just ran 103 miles in 28:55.56 hours! I can only be happy with that :)

Long story, but long race, bit lonely but great mind vibes and self energy all day! This was probably my best mental race (Lavaredo Ultra Trail was a wonderful one too) and for sure I surprised myself on every level...body, mind, and really deep down believing and knowing it. I think it was just something I had been so focused on and really ready for. I raced very conservatively and felt that I paced it quite well, I didn't have others to work with, so it was really my race the whole way, I was in control the whole way and I did really well with that. Especially well considering I had not been acclimated to altitude (Sweden is at sea level), I was in a stressful time with work deadlines, I had an injury leading into the race, and it was my first 100 mile race. I did my best in every moment and had no big issues - huge for a race like this, and I am very satisfied by that, but of course I want more, I want more challenges and more adventurous journeys. I did great, and I am craving more! I have found a strong passion in this type of race and I can hardly focus on anything else these days. I loved the race and the atmosphere and I hope to be back in the future.

There is much more to report of my current self, stay tuned...for now, just know that my mind has recovered as I am finally adjusted to jetlag on this side of the pond and crazily dreaming of running and racing, but the body is having a time of it's own (i.e. not recovered yet, needs that special TLC from above)...recovery mode and dreaming mode = on!

 It feels great to get the first one done and it feels even greater to know there will be many more :)

The time is NOW!

Decisions...Leaps of faith...Life changing moments...

The question on my mind and what has become a goal for this year (running) since over a year ago has been to run my first 100 miler. Yes, you read that right RUN 100 MILES! (it is not comfortable rolling off my tongue yet, but hopefully some day it will sound much less daunting than it does at the moment).

Maybe I should take a step back and clarify WHY and HOW my mind has gotten this crazy idea. I ran my first ultra (Swiss Alpine Marathon in Davos, Switzerland) last year. I didnt even know if I would be able to do well or even finish it, let alone meet an amazing friend, and reach a new place in my soul and spirit I have never experienced. Or that these things in combination would all change my life by leaps and bounds. I then went on to pursue racing and chasing this raw feeling of myself that is so exposed and vulnerable to all elements, as well as getting into and going right past my comfort zone last year in a number of races. The longest, toughest, hardest in every way, and definitely the roughest was a race in October in Attigliano, Italy (130km - le vie di San Francesco). Throughout the year I was on a personal quest of my body and it's limits and was incredibly motivated to qualify for UTMB (Ultra Trail du Mont Blanc - 166km) as well as Western States 100 (100 miler in CA). I qualified for both races and started to build a huge hunger and passion for more. While I didn't make it through the raffle for race entry in either of the two races I qualified for (more chances for entries next year), I had established a goal for this year to run my first 100 miler sometime the end of the summer or early fall. Beyond that, too much was out of my control and I could never settle on the  race or location. The hunger and drive for this goal was present in nearly every moment of my life since that day in Davos last July and has officially come to the surface NOW!

I have been very active in some of the European race calendar this year and although it has been a rough year in many ways, I am here now and am ready to say, I will run the RUN RABBIT RUN 100 Miler in Steamboat Springs, CO in 11 days (insert quiet deep breath sigh whooooooooo noise here)!

I never imagined those words could come from my mouth/mind, but right NOW, this is me. I am the most ready I have been for this challenge. Hopefully there will be other times in my life when I am more ready. But, this is the moment, right NOW! This is what I have been dreaming of and this is what is in my heart. I dont know if I am ready, but I am here and NOW and in this moment following my heart and trying to listen to my body and mind. I have been searching for the right race and the right time (training and work) for the last months and looking for every sign (dreaming, some conversations, some rabbit sightings, dreaming, some positive and negative body vibes, some positive outlook and big picture life lessons, dreaming, some clarity, some resting, some rabbit sightings, some more conversations, dreaming, way too much thinking...) 

And the best sign was this morning...woke up...best day in a number of weeks for the body and the mind - it was a clear and relaxed decision, today, I KNOW NOW that I will be in the US (yay!) in a  great place in my heart (Steamboat Springs) to run my first 100 miler (on Friday, September 13th - yes, embrace that it is the 13th :) - only good vibes)! YES!!! 

NOW we are talking and NOW you know. I didnt think I wanted to let many people know about this, in case it didnt go as planned...but I have grown and I would like to share this dream with you and have you come on this and many more journeys with me...to wanderweg of course :) It is usually quite wild on my adventures, just a warning...

11 days ... woah baby, life is about to change a lot, but I am ready for IT ALL! 

Thanks for hanging on, but I have turned it up a notch...so hang on tight or tighter :)

+ WWWWW (Wicked Wild WonderWoman Willis) 
((part of a ever increasing nickname created by my Mom, who will join me and crew in Steamboat :) 

On your mark, get set ... GO! (start of the blog gun)

Here comes my first ever blog post, woah baby! I feel like a bit of an introduction to the title of the blog should come first then...so, here is the first of many stories I hope to share on this blog, yay :)

Wanderweg...
On my first ever trip abroad to Europe, in 2010, I landed in Zurich to say with a friend (Mirjam) of a friend (Isabelle). It was a perfect way to start a trip...follow her around a bit and go for a run. I went for a run from the univerisity and headed up towards the highest point I could find. I first made my own way to the top and then started developing a nice course on the way down and see the other side of the hill - trying not to get lost and keep my eye on the trail signs I encountered, as to find a way back to my start point. Not long down the trail, I found a sign that said 'Wanderweg' and I thought ok, cool, maybe I can follow this sign and keep headed towards this place. Nice diamond yellow signs helped lead me towards a bigger intersection that had multiple signs and was a bit crazily organized for a foreign traveler, and I had already run plenty far for that day, so I decided to turn back and weave my continuing 'Wanderweg' route and somehow mananged to get back to exactly where I started. I have some kind of nature for knowing my position even though I have no map and no big picture context of where I am going. I usually take the long way or the hard way, but without a doubt I usually end up coming into a view of something just from a different angle - usually from a different side of the view I started with. Either way, I found my way, though I would have like to make it to 'Wanderweg'...

Later that afternoon, my friend took me to a nice place for a snowy hike up to a lookout tower on the outskirts of town. We took tram and then train and the bus and headed for one of the last possible public connections - and when we got off the bus (middle of nowhere) I saw a sign up the path (diamond and yellow), hmm...as we approached the sign I got up the courage to ask my friend "um, where is Wanderweg?" which was followed with an abnormally long pause and a silly look of 'what do I say to that? this girl is crazy'. Mirjam then proceeded to explain that wanderweg was certainly not a place or a destination, better yet, it was the translation for 'hiking trail' or 'wandering path'...we then were in histerics the rest of our very much needed and wild adventure in its own way, including my first and so far, only Rivella and very little energy and crazy cold as we found our lost way (although following the wanderweg ;) and eventually getting to a bus stop and a bus with heaters, just laughing at my thoughts helped us get through the day.

From this trip and this specific story, I now obviously know what wanderweg means, but I also get a nice smile and laugh on my face when I see the signs (which is very often, since I have been traveling to Switzerland quite a lot in the last couple years, and it is my country of choice).

I am describing this story to others and continue to develop new questions...
- would you like to go to wanderweg?
- don't worry, we are on the way, we are headed to wards wanderweg!
- have you been to wanderweg?
- I am headed towards wanderweg.
- let's go to wanderweg
- where in the world is wanderweg?
- I want to go to wanderweg.
- excuse me, how do I get to wanderweg?
- etc. (this list could probably entertain your brain for awhile - it has mine :)

I find that this is a wonderful concept for me, especially lately. I am working on my professional career and also trying to pursue my athletic career and trying to balance a full on, all in approach. I am definitely on my way to my 'wanderweg'. I am understanding that it is a process and that all processes are meant for reasons. We must learn something from each situation and take it with us for the next part of the journey. I am on my journey of finding myself and who I am and my place in this world. I have big ideas and big dreams and I know I am making my own path and developing my own route that makes it my life and my journey. I think I will mainly share adventure and race stories on the blog, but maybe also some life experiences or topics in need of some venting.

So, here is to finding my wanderweg! Welcome to my usually wild and crazy type of lifestyle and adventurous spirit :) I aim to entertain and update as much as my schedule may allow!

Come on, let's go to wanderweg...
Sarah